


the moon is ours

by qetbackhonkycat



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 01:34:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21779293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qetbackhonkycat/pseuds/qetbackhonkycat
Summary: what i like to think happened in the car ride back to downton
Relationships: Thomas Barrow/Richard Ellis
Comments: 20
Kudos: 97





	the moon is ours

**Author's Note:**

> this missing scene has been driving me insane. i've been constantly wondering what could have happened, what they could have said to each other so here that is. 
> 
> in no way am i a writer and there's probably millions of grammatical errors in this but i just wanted to get my ideas about this scene down. 
> 
> it might not be realistic in any way but it's what i like to think might have happened - obviously the possibilities are endless. 
> 
> anyways, enjoy!

They both got in the car, Thomas still breathing heavily. They sat for a second before Richard started it running. After what seemed like an hour in Thomas' world, he felt them coming to a stop. It was pitch black and they certainly weren't back at Downton yet, he knew that. The only light they had was the moon, just so they could only slightly make out the features of the inside of the car. 

"Are you quite alright, Mr Barrow?" They hadn't spoken a word since they left the station. 

"I'm fine."

"Now, if I believed that, I wouldn't have asked. You don't have to talk if you don't wish to but I would like to know what is going on in that head of yours." 

"Where are we?"

"About 20 minutes from Downton. Thought I'd give us a bit more time before heading back." 

There was a beat. Richard thought Thomas wasn't going to answer. He seemed so vacant, understandably, Richard thought to himself. 

"Don't want to be too late, someone might notice." 

Thomas was fidgeting now, pulling at his gloved hand. Richard was facing forward, he had been since they stopped. Being honest with himself, he didn't want to see the same look of horror on Thomas' face as he had at the station. 

To Richard's surprise, it was Thomas who spoke next.

"Those lads. It all happened so quickly. Whistles sounded and I had no bloody idea what was going on but everyone moved into one another. Then I saw the police. I'd never expected- God, I'd never expected there was such a place that existed so close to Downton, never mind police. God, I'm so stupid. If I'd have waited for you or just have gone back this never would have happened. If you hadn't have come, Lord knows -"

Richard turned from his position of looking straight down the road in front of them. 

"No need for that right now. You'll drive yourself mad if you think of what could have happened or what didn't happen. You're here now. In this car. With me. That's all that matters."

Thomas had been looking down in his lap, not daring to look up at the man sat beside him for fear of bursting into tears or losing control of his already uneven breathing. 

"Look at me." 

He doesn't know why he says it. Maybe he needs to ground himself as well as Thomas. He needs to see some sort of composure in Thomas' face, some sort of sign that would let him know Thomas is okay because frankly, he himself is going mad. He needs to know Thomas isn't tearing himself apart inside because God knows it's tearing Richard apart seeing him like this. 

Thomas slowly looks up, hands still fidgeting in his lap, although not as frantic as before. He meets Richard's eyes. Thomas is almost overcome with the soft expression he's met with - one of genuine kindness combined with worry. 

Richard can see the beginnings of tears forming in Thomas' eyes and he wants nothing more than to tell him it's going to be okay, he safe and he wants nothing more than for Thomas to believe him. 

They sit like this, staring into each other's eyes, examining each other's expressions for what seems like an eternity. Words of comfort, fear and understanding go unspoken. 

A tear finally gets the courage to roll down Thomas' face and he goes to shy away, retreat into himself, not letting the man in front of him see him so vulnerable. Not after said man had rescued him from the most terrible ordeal of his life earlier in the night. He can't let him see him like this, he will not be pathetic in front of a practical stranger. 

Before Thomas manages to turn away, Richard reaches out his hand, across the gap in the middle of the car that seems to stretch for miles and cups Thomas' cheek. Thomas startles for a second, frozen, not daring to look at Richard in front of him. 

Richard also pauses, not quite knowing why he did that, an act on impulse but can't quite bring himself to pull his hand away. He brushes the tear away from Thomas' cheek and it's then that Thomas looks up. They meet eyes once more and once doing so, it's then that more tears spill. But instead of pulling away and retreating into a corner in the car, he stays. He stays like that, letting Richard hold his face, brushing away each tear that falls, each tear that graces Thomas' cheek. He let's him let it out - let out all the emotions he knows has been building up inside him. 

After a while of tears and Richard brushing them away, Thomas stops and turns back into his seat. Taken aback by the sheer amount of emotion he's just displayed to someone he hasn't even known two days - not even hardly anyone at Downton has seen him like this. 

"Mr Ellis, please forgive me. I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. I'm an emotional fool." Thomas is looking out of the window now, hoping the darkness of the night will swallow him up and make Richard forget everything that's just happened. 

“Don’t be speaking like that now. You are not a fool. Maybe a bit emotional.”

That got a little huff out of Thomas which equally made Richard feel a tad better. Richard carried on, whilst Thomas was still staring out the window, wishing less so about disappearing into the darkness. 

“And there’s no need to call me Mr Ellis, I think we’ve become quite acquainted with one another now. Richard is just fine.” 

Thomas looked across at Richard at this, again staring at him, not quite knowing what to say, still fixated on the fact that not five minutes ago he was an emotional wreck in front of him.

“Thomas.”

Richard attempted a smile, in not just the hope that Thomas may return one but also that it will ease his own breathing. To Thomas’ own surprise, he returned it. They then sat like this for a while in companionable silence, occasionally turning to look out the window, at the moon but also turning back to look at one another. Look at one another and just breathe. 

“I never said thank you.”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you. I never said thank you for getting me out of there. The station. Back in York.”

“Oh. Your welcome, I suppose but Thomas, there’s no need to thank me.”

“Yes, there is every need to thank you. You saved my life - God, you saved my life. Richard, you saved me from whatever it is I could have ended up in. I had no way of handling it. I was helpless. You got me out of there. You-”

“Breathe, Thomas.” 

Richard had now reached across to Thomas and taken his right hand in his and held onto his left arm. 

“Thomas, you need to breathe. There’s no use overthinking now. You’re safe. We’re here, in this car. You’re out of there. We’re not near York anymore. You’re safe.”

Thomas tried to speak but was met with a quiet hush from Richard and a slight squeeze on his arm.

It took a while for Thomas to get his breathing back to normal, to a steady rhythm. Richard still had Thomas’ hand in his, trying not to hold on too tight. 

“Thank you.”

“You really need to stop thanking me.”

“No.Thank you. For everything.”

“I’ll let you have that one but now, no more of that or I’ll get too high and mighty.”

Thomas let out another huff but it was more of a laugh this time. It fell silent and Thomas considered his next choice of words before asking them, hoping to not be too personal. 

“How are you so positive? In light of all this? What you just experienced? How are you sat there still so composed?”

Richard considered this for a second and let out a shaky breath. 

“Thomas. We’re the same, you and I. Same two blokes. I’m not composed, not really. I just seem that way I suppose. I don’t know how I manage it, but I do. Maybe it’s my years in service. The Royal household doesn’t really appreciate emotions and letting yourself be vulnerable. I guess it’s just how I am, or how I think I am.”

“Maybe you could teach me then I won’t end up crying in a stranger's car in future.” 

Now it was Richard’s turn to let out a laugh. 

“Don’t speak nonsense, Thomas. I’ve already said you’re not to worry about that. Under the circumstances anyone would have behaved in the same manner.”

“Yes, but not anyone would have ended up in that situation.”

Richard sighed. “Maybe so.”

Instead of turning to look ahead or out of their respective windows, they stayed, looking at each other, trying to decipher what the other was thinking. 

“What now?” Thomas said, still looking at Richard, the left side of his face illuminated in the moonlight. 

“Now, Mr Barrow, I suppose we go back to Downton, get some rest and we’ll see each other in the morning.”

Thomas’ stomach fell at the mention of going back to Downton. What if they could sense something was off? What if they knew? How could they possibly know. But what if they did?

“Hey, please stop overthinking in that head of yours. Just take the drive first, then we’ll tackle Downton when we come to it.”

Thomas wondered how this man, this spectacular man sat next to him knew exactly what he was thinking. 'Same two blokes' he thought.

“Positive Mr Ellis.”

A laugh, an actual laugh. The first laugh he’d heard for God knows how long since York but he welcomed it, especially from Ellis. 

“Positive Mr Ellis.” Richard repeated. 

“You sure you’re ready to head back?” Richard questioned, the softest voice Thomas had heard from him, he thought.

“Suppose we’ve got to head back at some point. Don’t suppose we could run away? Don’t think Downton would care to send a search party.”

“As delightful as that sounds, Mr Barrow, I think Downton would miss you a great deal.”

“Oh, I don’t think it would.” Thomas huffed, looking at Richard. He noticed a glint in Richard’s eye. 

“Are you arguing with me? Shall I let you get out of the car and walk, Mr Barrow?”

Then there was an actual laugh from Thomas and Richard swore he felt his heart stop momentarily. It was such a change from the man he was facing earlier and it made his stomach flip. 

“It’s a bit cold, Mr Ellis. I didn’t think you were the type of man to be so cruel.”

“Oh, and what type of man am I?”

Thomas moved his mouth as if he was going to speak without actually knowing what he could possibly say to that question. He just stared at Richard smiling at him which in turn, caused Thomas to smile also, looking down at his lap.

“We should really be getting back. As eventful as this night has been, we should be heading back.” Richard said, still smiling at Thomas. 

“Quite right, Mr Ellis.”

“Would have loved to have taken a walk in this moonlight though.” Richard kicked himself for starting up the conversation again but as he did so he finally admitted to himself that he didn’t want this moment to end, not just yet - just the two of them, here, comfortable, alone. 

“Yes. Would have been nice, I suppose.” Thomas agreed, looking out of the window at the almost full moon.

“Would have been nice.” Richard said, almost a whisper. 

They slipped into comfortable silence once again, both gazing upon their surroundings, staring at the moon. 

“Quite peaceful here really.” Now it was Thomas’ turn to speak. He didn’t realise he wanted to say it until it happened. 

“Quite.” Richard said, turning away from the moon and now coming to look at Thomas. He stayed like this for a while until Thomas turned his head to meet his gaze. 

“Quite.” Thomas repeated, blatantly staring at Richard, he realised, but he couldn’t bring himself to turn away. 

“It’s getting cold.” 

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.” They were just repeating each other now. They both could sense that neither of them wanted to leave and return to reality. Return to Downton and return to the royal party leaving with uncertainty of how they’ll both keep in touch - whether they will keep in touch. 

Instead of saying anything further, Richard just started the ignition, took one last look at Thomas with a smile and started driving. 

Thomas breathed, properly breathed for what seemed like the first time in ages. The first time in years if he had to admit it. Richard Ellis really had saved his life.


End file.
